It’s Not Lying Per Se

On The Island, act of lying has its own continuum that spans from shameless Pinocchio style deceit, to what I call the exaggeration of a questionable answer.  In more colloquial terms,  this is known as: el mueleo.

Two parts bullshit and one part persuasive discourse; el mueleo is an art form in it of itself.  I advise the inexperienced not to dismiss it as moment when Islanders seem eager to please or supremely interested in your propositions, for it is a buffer to avoid telling the truth.

El mueleo bifurcates itself into two types: (1) overly positive, at times long-winded  and overwhelmingly enthusiastic responses, or (2) a brief and evasive answer given when it does not behoove the Islander to tell the truth.

El mueleo also has three important terrains: romance, employment or investment opportunities, and social settings.  While the latter two will be discussed, the first one I leave for another entry. In order to illustrate a clear picture of full-throttle mueleo, examples including appropriate translations will be provided.

As far as employment goes, most of my fellow Yorkies (another name given to us by Islanders), say that by the time their City job interview is over, they have negotiated a $30k raise, a full vacation package and personal days, a company car, and a hefty expense account. All through the right (not the art) of asking questions before closing the deal. Thus, the standard issues that the average person is entitled to inquire about in The City seem near taboo topics on The Island. You think a gal with a classic New York City style negotiating ability has nothing on el mueleo.  Well, I will admit that my skills were put to shame as I tried to haggle (ahem) discuss the preliminaries of an offer while living on The Island:

Me:  ¿Cuánto me van a pagar?
Them: Bueno, tu sabe’ que estamos comenzado y somos una compañía nueva pero hay que ver cuáles directrices vamos a tomar para poder ajustar una tabla salarial adecuada.
Translation: Don’t expect much.

Me: Y, ¿Cuántos días de vacaciones me tocan?
Them: No porque tu sabe’…que lo que se mira es el trabajo del empleado, su capacidad profesional….y el aporte que hace al crecimiento y desarrollo del equipo de la compañía.
Translation: You have no right to get sick, except when taking a medical leave.

Of course, you need not to worry about all this is you are a blonde, blue-eyed European or American. Islanders will worship you, for you are the Aryan prize that will make their establishments look good.  A business full of blue-eyed blondes will prompt Islanders to say: Ese lugar es buenísimo. Hay mucha gente de (insert Swedish-type country here).  Cute foreign accents are another hot commodity, but on only second to the aforementioned. Hence, it is no surprise that an illiterate blue-eyed blonde foreigner will get hired with a luxe salary and benefits, way before a Dominican Newyorker with a Ph.D. from Harvard does. (More on Islanders and foreigners in another entry).

So in order to save you trouble my fellow Yorkies, here are other examples of mueleo with settings and translations, respectively.

At a bar
Me:  ¿Saben preparar un martini?
Them:  ¡Oh…pero claaaaaaaaaro!  (Translantion: I’ve never heard of a martini)

On vacation
Me: No quiero ir a playa tal porque aun no está totalmente acondicionada.
Them: ¡Adió pero eso ha cambiado muchííííísimo!
(Translation: It hasn’t changed a bit. I just like contradicting Dominicans from NYC)

Requesting payment
Me: Necesito que me remitas el pago que me debes.
Them: ¡Ay…Pero yo no sabía!
(Translation: I did know, but I was aiming for you to forget about it).

Conclusions
1.  It is a travesty that the only time I was able to savor a real dirty martini on The Island was at a friend’s house that knows the art of fixing this amazing three-ingredient concoction.  Reminder: if the drink requires a shaker, I advise you not to order it.

2.  I visit The Island twice a year, and I have yet to witness el cambio tan grande que ha dado.  Reminder: Always agree with Islanders about the changes. It makes them believe they have won the argument.

3.  Negotiations with Islanders should be handled on a same-day-cash-in-hand basis.
Reminder: Nunca Fiar.

Kanpai!

10 responses to “It’s Not Lying Per Se

  1. La pregunta es si uno nace con la habilidad del mueleo o si es algo estudiado? Es claro que la Isla esta lleno de estudiantes y maestros del mueleo. Its no longer suprising to me having lived on the Island for 4 years and I think that there should be a book for tourist to learn how to defend themselves of this.

  2. El ueleo is part of the nonchalant (sinverguenza)idiosyncrasy of the Island. They basically don’t give a f@#$% about You. They are only looking out for themselves. In the end it’s a way of always “Metetelo Frio”. Good Work Nuala!

  3. This is TOO funny! I am cracking up at work! “Adio, pero eso a cambio muchiiiisimo” haha!!! Ta’ bueno eso.

    Y la gozadera? Uno goza muchiiiisimo tambien! Eveeeery year, same bs!! I have yet to have the time of my life.

    Can’t wait for the next blog!

    • If you really want to shock them you shluod hang out with me. I will show up straight Isaac Hayes as Black Moses, bald head, bare chest, shirt made of chains and tight leather pants. Who is the sexy black dick sexifying all the chicks? Shaft. You damn right. He s a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman. Shut your mouth.

    • . HOWEVER, Woman B claimed she had never said anything to A about my wife spreading the rumors and that she was simply concerned about her. She was sorry, apologized, but understood if my wife didn’t trust her as a friend. My wife was hurt, but choose to forgive woman B and move on and attempt to repair things with woman A.The next morning, woman B went to A and told her what my wife had done to her. Woman A was concerned about the accuracy of the information she was getting from B. Woman A asked her again if she was sure that what she had said at the party was true, including the party about my wife telling many different people and maliciously attempting to start the rumors. B said this was all true again, and that my wife was really upset with A and wanted to bring her down with what she said.A week later, my wife tried to talk to woman A to apologize for what was said. Woman A would not even look at my wife. She said she was done with her as a friend. She explained that woman B had come back to her to tell her she had been talking about her AGAIN, and she reiterated about the fact she had been spreading the rumors maliciously and my wife wanted to hurt woman A. None of this was true. Woman A called my wife a slew of fowl language in front of me, in front of dozens of her close friends and in front of many of my wife’s friends. She stated that she was lying because woman B had said these things to her twice, and that she wouldn’t lie.My wife is woman A’s boss. Woman A is letting this effect her work. Woman A has cut off all communication with my wife outside of work. Woman B is now completely avoiding my wife entirely as well as woman B’s husband, who is a close friend of mine.My wife forgave them both for what happened. Several weeks has passed. I have a hard time forgiving these people and wanted them to ever be back at our home. They were both very good friends of my wife’s and now she feels alone and isolated because her two best friends destroyed their friendship. I even lost a close friend. The collateral damage goes very deep, since these were mutual friends of almost everyone we know.My wife wants me to move on, but I have such a hard time with that. My wife was trying to do the biblically accurate thing to hold a fellow sister in christ accountable and her other sister in christ; who was not a new christian, but a strong one, threw it in her face. She broke her trust not once, but twice.I just think she doesn’t need to be friends with these people if this is how they treat their relationships. I don’t feel comfortable having them around my home if this is what they choose to do.What do you think?

  4. El mueleo es una “habilidad” del que no tiene ningun talento en que apoyar una habilidad real. Es de gente sin clase y sin escrupulos. Yo les huyo como el diablo a la cruz a los babosos “muelus”.

  5. LMAO! If I had a dollar for every failed business proposition, all because me lo pintaron facilito…

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  8. I am so with you on this one! I must share with you that I found the solution to this dlmemia back in 2007 when my mother made me bring two maletas full of clothes and shoes I did not even get to wear the 21 days I was there. Somehow, DR could not take the pressure of my Jimmy Choo with pencil jeans and a t-shirt. Since the fact that I was wearing a simple, yet sophisticated ensemble did not suffice the high standards of Dominican society attire, I decided to twist things around. Next time I traveled Choo and friends stayed home, and I walked the capital in more comfortable shoes. The change: I traveled with 2 dresses, two bathing suits, a couple of jeans and a few of Zara’s knit shirts, my toms and a pair of birkenstock, an evening gown in case something was cooking in el Teatro Nacional (mind you that I did not have shoes to wear with it!) and a cute bag where I could hide my camera and laptop. I have to admit that it took me 10 years, a crazy overweight charge from Jet Blue and a good look in the mirror to let go of all patterns and have my mom, my friends, my mom’s friends, las vecinas, DR, to accept me as the hippie they assume I am: Porque las muchachas que salieron para ace1 -NY- de nuestra promocif3n [de la secundaria] ya no saben vestir, andan como locas, como las jipies esas de los 60 -words of a childhood friend and the echo of my mother’s toughts.Thanks for sharing. Tus dilucidaciones abrieron las ventanas de la reflexif3n Have a nice time there and keep us posted of you adventures!Un abrazo.

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