Why Did The Chicken Cross The Ocean?

On occasion, the York Fairy pays a visit and brings to my attention the little pesky things Islanders do that somehow have been internalized as behavioral norms when expressing their beliefs about the City or in this case, the U.S.A. Of course, it is my job to act immediately not as a way to scrutinize, but more as a call to reflect on the reality of what is being voiced. Last week, I was forwarded these very fervent opinions, which were posted on the blog of a very talented graphic artist. The cities where our friend claimed to have lived in were deemed subpar by what I intuitively believe to be Island standards. Unless of course, our friend is royalty, then I stand corrected. Further below, I offer my modest responses.

New York

“Forget you’ll have to pay almost two grand to live in a place the size of a prison cell and have horrible service anyplace that’s ‘trendy’. The worst thing is all your city Facebook friends who won’t shut the fuck up saying how much they ‘love New York.’ As if their lives are so crappy that’s the only thing going on for them.”

Oh I see, because real estate on the Island is just so affordable. And I am sorry, but “servicio al cliente” is an on-paper concept that is reserved for either tourists or those with an “i” ending in their last name. It occurs to me that our friend was trippin’ while getting off the gravy train (See March 25, 2010). P.S. If New York is so bad, why would so many people want come here?

San Francisco

“Oh, the gorgeous, charming City by the Bay, right? Wait until you move there and get daily attacks by hordes of homeless guys, roaming the streets like zombies.”

Ummm…Which intersection in the capital is exactly free from the sponge-throw windshield cleaning, arms missing, abscess sporting, hernia showcasing guys that come up your window to beg for money?

Los Angeles

“I hope that you like your car, because that’s where you’re going to spend most of your life. It also applies to smaller cities I lived, like Austin, TX.”

Remind me again how does one get around on the Island?


“I only have two problems: September to May. Also, if you enjoy nightlife, forget weekdays.”

I am going to need some help on this one. But not since the days of Tom Collins at Don Pincho and Lunes de Café Atlántico did the Island see so much action on a weekday. Those days are over.

Word has it that our friend threw in the moleskin and moved back to the Island. Yes my comrade, surely the grass is greener on your side.

3 responses to “Why Did The Chicken Cross The Ocean?

  1. I think your posts are too well written for people on the island to comprehend. Is your goal to educate and raise awareness on the island? Or more to share and discuss with your fellow yorkies?

  2. True Dat!

    • Father I might respectfully sueggst taking your tweets off protected status. That will allow your tweets to be retweeted (giving your tweets a wider circulation and earning you more followers).www.twitter.com/locculta

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