The early snow, the crisp autumn breeze and daylight savings time remind me that the moment has come to do the yearly apparel exchange where cashmere sweaters, fur coats and wool scarves start occupying our closet spaces, as we bid adieu to lazy summer days and the attire that goes with it. This reminds me that by now, Islanders are probably planning their holiday vacations in hopes to frolic in a winter wonderland. Aside from the mere excitement of coming into contact with matter that is completely foreign to them, Islanders’ lover affair with snow and winter stems from the eminent fact that they are indeed, status symbols.
As we Yorkies already know, Islanders thrive on the culture of arribismo: the climbing of the social ladder. At any given chance, they will go above and beyond their means to attain anything that indicates advancement up the echelons of social mobility. With winter pictures as markers of travels, Islanders have it made when they brag about hobbies that are completely unaffordable to the masses. But let us not detain ourselves with snowflake sprinkled pictures. Here are other items considered to be status symbols that might be good to buy as Islander gifts this holiday season:
Coats: To have a coat is a must for Islanders because it will be understood that not only do they travel, but they transport themselves to places where it snows! However, there is another reason why Islanders would shell a third of their monthly salary on a wool coat from Zara, and that is to attend the annual Fiesta de Hielo de la Presidente (see the slideshow here). I thought that since the country ha cambiado muchíííííísimo, it would be okay for me to arrive at SDQ last winter fur coat in hand because afterall, the recorded temperature at JFK at the time of my departure was 19ºF. So when I heard the mutter under some Islander’s breath say ridícula, I thought to myself that perhaps bringing my faux fur would have been more appropriate for an Island with faux people who tote faux values. Of course the same type people who would mock my necessary fashion item are the same ones to would caress it as if it were a newfound pet.
Winter equipment: The fondness for a winter sport is key for Islanders. More important than boasting about travels; hockey sticks, snowboards, skis and other equipment ownership put Islanders at a step above the poor bastards who have no choice but to rent. Of course, now that La Sirena and Blue Mall has ice-skating, we might as well help them stock up on ice skates.
In age of Facebook, as Islanders enter the picture-posting winter Olympics of “who went where wearing what,” all I can think about is basking in the Island sun this December. I am also wondering if it would be okay for me to leave my house in a tank top to appease the Islanders’ fury over my winter social faux pas.
Black Friday is approaching. Stock up on the holiday bubbly!