Hello Nuala groupies! Please do excuse my small hiatus, but as most fellow city rats such as myself know, once the thermometer hits a temperature of 65ºF and above, all bets are off! The discussions revolve around dichotomies such as “walking or not” for getting around, “inside or out” for dining, and the wardrobe is reduced to t-shirts and flip-flops, or as Islanders would say: andar como una rastrera. I also will happily inform you that my sister got married this past week. I flew to California to be her Maid of Honor (hold your snickering), and I must say that I looked mighty good in my Kelly-green D&G dress, which I snagged on sale.
Speaking of being fashionably fabulous, while walking down fifth avenue marveling in amazement at the latest trends, a realization that I was running low on my moisturizer reminded me to enter Bloomies. As I became intoxicated with the smell of made in Italy, it dawned on me that I would forever be the impressed New Yorker who mesmerizes at what this city has to offer. This prompted the question: Why do Islanders always seem so unimpressed when visiting the greatest city in the world? When relatives or friends say voy pa’ llá, I always seize the opportunity to play tour guide by putting together itineraries that include the latest museum exhibits and culinary trends. I am pumped up with enthusiasm that quickly deflates with the typical ‘oh sí….’ or ‘ah bueno…’ that dryly emerges from an Islander’s straight face.
Islanders are cautioned not to display asoramiento when in the presence of Yorks, for they don’t want to come across as the hicks que nunca han visto nada. So don’t be surprised to have someone who has never seen the interior of an airplane act blasé with anything (and I mean anything) you show him or her. Meaning that while you’re bellowing your best cheerleader cheer about something that might knock your socks off, (say the view from top of the Empire State Building) expect a flat ‘ay sí, muy lindo’ and nothing more. Some Islanders will even go the extra mile to say, adió pero si allá hay de eso y hasta mejor. Therefore, to better help you plan your tour with Islanders, I offer you the top ten places you should avoid showing due to the fact that they have indeed been there and done that.
Rockefeller Center: Grab that ugly Christmas sweater you’ve been storing! La Sirena has generously put together a skating rink and Christmas tree to Islanders’ delight.
Rooftop Bars: My sources say that the Holiday Inn in the Capital has a rooftop bar igualito que 230 and 5th.
Asian Restaurants: Forget about Nobu and Megu. On the Island hay muchísimos restaurantes chinos que le dan cien mil patá a to’ eso.
Bloomingdales, Saks, Bergdorf’s and Bendel’s: A little over a year old, Blue Mall satisfies the needs of the faux riche.
Peter Luger: Nevermind that PL has been acclaimed the best steakhouse in America for twenty consecutive years by the New York Times, I had an Islander say yo no le vi la gran vaina a esa carne tan cara.
Radio City Christmas Show: I once read in Ritmo Social that Las Rockettes (ranging from ages 14-18) danced in the Teatro Nacional.
Central Park: El Mirador in the Capital satisfies the Islanders’ eco-curiosity.
Broadway Shows: With Nurín Sanlley producing Grease and the former Miss Universe Denise Quiñones starring in Chicago, who needs Ticket Master?
The Manhattan Skyline: The Chrylser building le queda chiquito a los Narcscrapers that adorn the Island’s urban landscape.
Page Six: Even I have made my way into En Sociedad magazine.
I have traveled to over a dozen destinations. My heart skipped a beat when I first saw the Eiffel Tower, I nearly fainted when I climbed the Great Wall of China, The Acropolis took my breath away, my taste buds melted when I first imbibed Opus One in Napa and as far as I am concerned, Cayo Levantado is the Mecca of all beaches. Perhaps I am a New Yorker that lives in a constant state of asoramiento, or maybe it doesn’t take much to impress me. I am just drunk on life and a good Manhattan.
Opening Reception: Thursday, August 4th, 6-8pm
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